


Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies !

by GivemeanID



Category: Naruto
Genre: Baking, Crack, Gen, baker!Tobirama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23326528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GivemeanID/pseuds/GivemeanID
Summary: Where the Uchiha sweet-tooth is their greatest weakness.And the Dark Side is having peace with the Senju.
Comments: 92
Kudos: 259





	Come to the Dark Side, we have cookies !

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantined ID writes stupid shit (part 1)

The Senju warrior was barely twelve and he was looking at his Uchiha captors with big brown eyes full of terror. Madara was surveying the boy like a hawk while Izuna and Hikaku were going through his possessions. Suddenly, Izuna dug a little metal box from the boy's backpack. Interested, he opened it.

The box was full of little biscuits, golden and crispy, filled with what appeared to be chocolate chips.

\- The fuck is that ? Izuna asked, dumbfounded.  
\- Let go ! the Senju boy cried, these are Tobi-sensei's cookies !

The name drew Izuna's interest.

\- The Demon like these ? he asked with a shark smile.  
\- No... the boy grumbled, he made them... for me...

Izuna's and Madara's eyes widened comically. And then, Izuna started laughing his ass off.

\- Oh Amaterasu ! The Demon bakes ?! You're kidding me !  
\- I'm not kidding ! the boy cried, furious, Tobi-sensei id really good at it !  
\- Yeah, just say you are too scared of him to tell him he's shit at it !

Izuna grabbed one of the biscuit and considered it.

\- But I am not, he said with a grin.

Then, he bit in the cookie. His face suddenly went through an impressive array of color before settling on bright red. Then he doubled over with a little moan. Madara rushed to his side, worried, as Hikaku perked up, on his guards. The Senju boy huffed and rolled his eyes.

\- Izuna ! Are you okay ?! Were these things poisoned ?!

Then Izuna looked at him with teary eyes and blushing cheeks. He hadn't let go of the cookie.

\- Aniki, he croacked, do you think it possible to have an orgasm from eating something ?

Madara's mind blanked.

\- Because, Izuna continued, I've never ate something so good...

To mark his point, he swallowed the rest of the cookie and let out a moan of pleasure. Madara frowned. Decided to find out what the fuck had crawled up his brother's ass, he grabbed a cookie and bit it.

He might have started crying from pleasure on the spot.

************

Tobirama was worried sick as he was running to the battlefield with his brother and their warriors in tow. Kota, one of his students, had been captured by the Uchiha has he was coming back from a mission a few hours earlier in the day. Tobirama didn't want to loose another child to the war, he had immediately informed Hashirama, who had formed a rescue party. On the other side of the border, the Uchiha were gathering. Kota's signature was in the middle of them. Tobirama accelerated.

As they got out of the forest, they could finally see their ennemies. Madara and Izuna were among them. All the Uchiha were gathered around Kota, but the little, while he had his hands tied in front of him, seemed mostly unscathed and also really done, if the way he was rolling his eyes was anything to go by.

\- Madara ! Hashirama bellowed, give us back the child !

Madara whipped on his heels to look at them. His mouth was full of crumbs and he was looking slightly guilty, like a child caught red-handed doing something he shouldn't. The Uchiha around him seemed to be experiencing various degrees of ecstasy. Tobirama raised a brow.

Izuna, on the other hand, did not have his brother's self control. He whipped on his heels, spotted Tobirama and started waving a threatening finger in his direction. His mouth was also full of crumbs.

\- YOU ! he hollered, you fucking... Senju !!!

And then he started crying on another Uchiha's shoulder, who patted his head. Hashirama looked at Tobirama with a blasé look.

\- What have you done ? he groaned.  
\- Hey, Tobirama snarled, for once, it's not my fault !

At this moment, Madara cleared his throat.

\- Okay, he said, we're giving the child back to you, but in exchange, we want... how are they called again ?  
\- Cookies, Kota groaned.  
\- Yeah ! We want more cookies from your brother !

Tobirama blinked, not believing his ears.

\- You want cookies ? he said, his voice heavy with disbelief.  
\- Yes !

A clamour of approval was heard from the Uchiha. Tobirama looked at Hashirama, who shrugged.

\- Okay... the albino said cautiously, just give me an hour...

************

He could have poisoned them. But first, Hashirama would have cried on him and second, maybe this was an occasion to get the peace his brother desired so much. So Tobirama came back to the Senju compound like a tornado, baked a mountain of chocolate chip cookies and went back on the battlefield with them. Getting Kota back and seeing the bright delight on the Uchiha's face as they grabbed the cookies with greedy hands was making this hassle worth it.

************

Except it didn't stop there. The Uchiha were now getting out of their ways to capture Senju warriors and demanded astronomical amounts of cookie in exchange for freeing them. At this point, Tobirama was seriously thinking about opening a bakery, since he spent more than half his days baking cookies.

************

\- Hands up, Senju ! a voice bellowed in the trees.

Toka rolled her eyes as Madara and Izuna landed in front of her.

\- You know, she groaned, holding her hands up in the air, if you agreed to peace, you'd have access to Tobi's biscuits 24/7.  
\- Yeah, but...

Madara grimaced, not knowing what argument to oppose to such perfect logic.

\- By the way, Toka said on a light tone, Tobi wants to know if you're cookies only kind of guys or if you'd be interested in testing other cakes. He spoke about blueberry muffins and lemon cupcakes.

Izuna's nostrils flared and Madara's mouth started watering.

\- Lemon... cupcakes ?  
\- Blueberry... muffins ?

The brothers looked at each other.

\- Can you tell him that we'd be really interested, please ?

It took all of Toka's willpower not to laugh.

************

The Senju and the Uchiha were facing each other, on each side of a negotiation table. After tasting Tobirama's blueberry muffins, Madara and his Elders had finally agreed to a ceasefire and peace talks. Tobirama looked at them and with a big smile, full of teeth, produced a mirror glazed galaxy cake, that he put on the table on front of Izuna.

\- Please, consider this as a gesture of goodwill from the Senju, he growled playfully.

The Uchiha were apparently wondering if they were dreaming.

\- Where do we sign that fucking treaty ? Madara groaned, drooling, eyes fixated on the cake.


End file.
